Blue
by GloomyBumblebee
Summary: After the Thrid Impact, Shinji is thinking about Kaworu...


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Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion**  
Author:** Gloomy Bumblebee**  
Title:** Blue**  
Genre:** Angst/Romance**  
Rating:** PG-13**  
Pairing:** Shinji/Kaworu**  
Summary:** After the Third Impact occurred, Shinji reflects on the past events and that last meeting with Kaworu. How was he to know that all of his dreams had come true?  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. I only write because I love to, not to make money out of it, so don't sue. Besides, I've nothing to give. Only my manga books.**  
A/N:** This story takes after the End of Evangelion movie. You see, all the people that watched the movie had different opinions and ideas about the ending. Well, my interpretation is that every human got his life back at Shinji's request, even Rei and Kaworu (only as humans). I may be wrong, but that is what I'd rather think, since, after the adorable Shinji, Kaworu is the next best character. And they make a very kawaii couple (^_^). And, no, I won't be using any Japanese words, so don't fear. +_+''. Now, please, enjoy.   
  
  
  
**Blue.**  
  
  
  
Everything seems strange. It looks like any other day would, but I know that's not true. How could anyone not remember what happened? They even have Lilith's giant head lying in front of their very eyes, but they seem oblivious to it.  
  
Or maybe they're just pretending.  
  
Yeah, maybe they want to believe nothing happened. Maybe they know it all, but it pains them too much to dwell on it. Yeah... maybe they're just pretending.  
  
But what role do I play in this dilemma?   
  
Does anyone know what I've been through? Would anyone care if that were so?  
  
I just wished I had someone to talk to and wouldn't look down on me. I just wished I had someone who noticed me, someone who loved me.  
  
Someone like-  
  
Kaworu.  
  
How could I miss someone this much? How could I love someone this much?  
  
But do I love him?  
  
I guess I do, seeing how I can't take my mind off of him. Had it been true? Everything he said to me during the Third Impact. Had it all been true? Had everyone got his or her body and soul back? Had he and Rei got theirs?  
  
If that's so, would he come back for me?  
  
A sigh.  
  
No, of course, he wouldn't. He's an angel. A superior life form. And I'm only a human. A useless, coward, boring human, with no will to live.   
  
"I wonder if I did the right thing..."  
  
Silence.  
  
"The truth lies within your heart-  
  
-Ikari Shinji-kun."  
  
My head suddenly snaps up. I slowly turn around, not really believing in what I heard. My mouth hangs open. My eyes fill with tears. Suddenly I lose all control of my limbs. They start moving out of free will and I find myself walking forward, catching Kaworu in a desperate embrace.  
  
I let my tears flow unashamedly as I bury my face in his lose shirt. He smells of flowers. Jasmines. Though I can't see him, I feel him smiling. I don't care though, all I care about is that he's here with me. My wish has come true.  
  
"My Shinji-kun."  
  
I hear his soft voice calling me again. It feels like music to my ears. I look up and take in every detail of his face. He looks just like the last time I saw him. His crimson eyes shining; his soft smile sending shivers down my spine; his creamy skin, looking so delicate... even his hair looks the same.   
  
Just the way I love him.  
  
He must have read my thoughts...  
  
"I love you too, my Shinji-kun."  
  
_Someone who loves me._  
  
I found that someone in him. But- this is all so sudden... I find myself panicking, not really knowing what to do or where to go from here. But I have so many questions... So many wishes...  
  
"My Shinji-kun..."  
  
It seems as if he'd run out of words. I notice his eyes are shining too brightly now.  
  
Tears.  
  
He's crying.  
  
He's crying... because of me?  
  
I open my mouth to say something, but no words escape.  
  
Suddenly, but ever-so softly, he brushes a lock of hair out of my face. He cups my chin with his palms and forces my eyes into his. I look at him, studying the emotions within those crimson orbs, finding it all so confusing that I have no other choice than to simply stop trying.  
  
Please say something.  
  
"It seems as if we've grown silent all of a sudden," it's all he says. Even such futile words, seem to have a soothing effect on me. But that's what they are, futile words. And there are so many things I want to know...  
  
"My Shinji-kun, would you accompany me to a quieter place? I have so many things to tell you... so many things to show you."  
  
I nod. Taking hold of my hand, he softly drags me like a feather through the noisy streets and into a deserted alley. I'm rather surprised when he leads me into a small building and up a staircase into a room. His home.  
  
He shuts the door behind as I take a look around the dim lit apartment. There aren't many things in there. Only a bed and a small cupboard occupy the room, along with two doors. One is open, leading to the smallest kitchen I've ever seen, the other is closed, but I figure it must lead to the bathroom.  
  
"It's not much, but it's enough for me."  
  
I look to my left side. Kaworu is gently smiling at me. I take it he was referring to the apartment, so I feel the obligation to say something.  
  
"It is nice. I feel comfortable here."  
  
It was true. Though I would feel comfortable anywhere with Kaworu by my side. I sigh in contentment. I want to be with Kaworu.  
  
"I'm confused, my Shinji-kun."  
  
Kaworu stares down at the ground before walking away and sitting on the bed. I awkwardly follow him and I feel myself blush as I take my seat next to him. I can feel the heat emanating from him, his proximity making me shake with nervousness. But I'm calm at the same time.   
  
I think I'm confused as well.  
  
Kaworu carries on with his speech, each syllable caressing my ears.  
  
"I thought I would tell you everything, but I can't seem to find the words to do so." He chuckles. "I've never been at a lack of words before."  
  
"Maybe..." I stutter. "Maybe I should be the one to say something. I have so many things to tell you and even more things to ask you."  
  
"Then go ahead, my Shinji-kun. I'd rather nothing than to hear your sweet voice."  
  
My blush intensifies. I feel myself burning inside, as I secretly wish to lock my lips with Kaworu's. But would it be right?  
  
I never had someone who loved me before, but even though it feels so nice... he's a boy. And I'm a boy. We're both boys. That is wrong. My father would never approve.  
  
He never did approve anything.  
  
Well, he never really cared.  
  
But I do care. And I know I love Kaworu. I need him. I need someone to love me and make me feel whole. Someone who cares.  
  
It's then that the first question comes out of my mouth.  
  
"Why do you say you love me?"  
  
The answer is simple. He just smiles and says, "just because, my Shinji-kun.  
  
"But why do you love me?"  
  
That question surely was unexpected.  
  
I tremble awkwardly, trying to find the right words to say. I settle for just letting my heart pour out through my words.  
  
"I love you, because you're the first one who ever cared about me. You're the only one who bothered listening to me, trying to understand me. And I just... do."  
  
"Then I guess we're even more alike than I thought so, my Shinji-kun."  
  
There's one more thing I'd like to ask though.  
  
"How did you come back to life?"  
  
Alright, maybe two things I'd like to ask.  
  
"How could you forgive me after what I did?"  
  
He averts his gaze to look through the window of the room. His smile softens and he looks melancholic. Calmly, he starts speaking, as if carefully measuring the words.  
  
"I came back to life because that was your wish. You wanted me to. And I had nothing to forgive you for, but if I did... I would have forgiven you because I love you."  
  
Such sweet words no one has ever said to me. I feel myself gaining confidence, and the courage to do what I long awaited for.  
  
I move closer to his thin, pale form. My hands shake and I'm aware of the sweat running down the back of my neck. He seems oblivious to my strange behaviour. I close my eyes, as I'm only inches away from his lips.   
  
The contact is strange but sweet. I let my emotions slip through my lips as the nervousness goes away. I feel him returning the kiss with inexperience, and circling my waist with his arms. I embrace him as well, letting my hands rest on the back of his neck as the intensity of the kiss grows.  
  
We pull apart, gasping for air and blushing crimson. Suddenly ashamed, we both look different ways. In a matter of seconds, however, our eyes meet.  
  
Kaworu shows me the most beautiful and sincere smile anyone has ever graced me with, as his fingers softly caress my cheek.  
  
"Don't be afraid, my Shinji-kun."  
  
I don't understand what he's saying. I'm not scared.   
  
Not that I know of, at least.  
  
But he knows me better than I know myself, it seems.  
  
"I won't betray you this time. I'll never leave your side, unless you want me to."  
  
"Do you want me to... my Shinji-kun?"  
  
He brushes the tears out of my face. I didn't even realise I was crying.   
  
But why do I cry for?  
  
I have all I need. Kaworu is here with me; he's forgiven me. He loves me and cares about me. He says he'll never leave me.  
  
And I know this time it is for real.  
  
I smile and bury my face in his clothes. Taking in his scent, I breathe.  
  
"I don't want you to leave me, Kaworu-kun. I want to be with you forever, even after death."  
  
I smile cynically.  
  
"I need you."  
  
"And I need you, my Shinji-kun."  
  
At that last comment my head snaps up. He's looking down at me, his smile still intact, his eyes gleaming brightly.  
  
"Why would you need me for?"  
  
There's silence, as if he's trying to decide whether to tell me or not.  
  
"You're the one who gave meaning to my existence. You showed me the importance of human emotions. You taught me what it means to be alone and how nice it is to not be. You shone while you were by my side, as if I were important to you.  
  
"I've never been important to anyone. Just a mere tool..."  
  
I am finally content.  
  
"Then I guess there's not much to say, after all."  
  
We both smile as we embrace each other closer.  
  
For the first time in my life, I can say I'm happy.  
  
I don't know what will become of us in the future, but I can't tell we'll both be fine. Whatever odds are imposed, as long as we're together, everything will be fine.  
  
Today I can truly say I'll never feel blue again.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
**E/N:** Well, this is it. I hope you liked my first Non-Harry Potter fic. I know it was a bit tedious to read, but I just love Shinji in his psychological mode. I think I got it pretty good to be my first Eva fic, but I'm not the one to judge. If you could review, then I'd know what to think. *hint* .


End file.
